Category: Advice

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50 Views0 Comments

I find that lying is like farting in the bath, you think it's funny at first, but it always bubbling to the surface eventually.


45 Views0 Comments

If I ever have twins, I'd use one for parts


39 Views0 Comments

My mate reckons he could eat a whole blanket, Personally I think he's full of sheet.


51 Views0 Comments

Tip: When your pupil's parent asks you why you wanted to be a teacher don't reply "I'm a paedophile"


54 Views0 Comments

Being dragged to dinner at the in-laws by the missus? Help yourself to a spicy curry with a little bit of laxative before you go, thus avoiding being dragged there ever again.


44 Views0 Comments

I think the dole office is a great place to meet people, I've met all my drug dealers there.


44 Views0 Comments

I've learnt the awkward way, if your girlfriend's mother asks "Would you do me a favour?" - ALWAYS wait until she has said "a favour" before eagerly nodding and saying yes.


43 Views0 Comments

After getting blown by my wife, I quoted from my favourite children's film "Babe": "That'll do, pig, that'll do."


40 Views0 Comments

The veteran actor and director turned to me and said, "You know what they say, you should never work with children or animals." "That's an old theatre saying, isn't it?" I replied. "No, it's what the police told us wh...


43 Views0 Comments

Walkers. Sell more crisps in Arabic countries by introducing a new Sultan Sheikh range.


61 Views0 Comments

When someone sees you crying, and asks: "Are you sad?" Punch them in the face, and ask: "Are you okay?"


52 Views0 Comments

While the optimist's gas tank is half full, and the pessimist's half empty,... they'll both run out of gas at the exact same spot.

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