Category: Advice

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Running

415 Views0 Comments

Marathon runners cover over 26 miles in two hours, train for years and when they finish cannot breath and are bent double with pain. I, on the other hand, can spend the 2 hours in the pub drinking and smoking, yet wal...

Drinking

403 Views0 Comments

My wife's been telling me to watch my drinking... so now I only go to bars with mirrors.

Interrupting

379 Views0 Comments

Stop interrupting me while I'm ignoring you.

Frog

352 Views0 Comments

If you put a frog into a pan tepid water and slowly heat it up, the frog will boil to death. But if you put a frog into already boiling water it will jump out. Moral of the story? Put a lid on the pan.

Narnia

329 Views0 Comments

Replace your front door with a backless wardrobe filled with large coats this winter to recreate the magic of Narnia every time you leave your house.

Coffee

323 Views0 Comments

Try not to drink coffee in the morning. It will keep you awake all day.

Paramedic

322 Views0 Comments

Dont do anything you are not prepared to explain to a paramedic.

Skinny Jeans

267 Views0 Comments

Never wear skinny jeans if you don't have skinny genes.

Mistakes

259 Views0 Comments

I caught my 14 year old son in bed with a girl the other night. I sat him down and asked him why he did it, he said, "I heard you lost it when you were 14 so i thought I'd give it a go." I replied, "You should learn ...

Suicide

258 Views0 Comments

I need help committing suicide. Does anyone have some experience?

Job

234 Views0 Comments

A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error.

Do not take off your camouflage jacket

222 Views0 Comments

Handy tip: Do not take off your camouflage jacket in the woods.

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