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I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
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If God was Polish it would have only taken about 4 days to create the universe.
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Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation
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Best way of avoiding being clamped? Buy four clamps and put one on each wheel.
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I was standing at the bus stop with my mate and with this old lady last night waiting for the bus to arrive. Suddenly, the old dear caught the hiccups. She tried her best to ignore it, but i could see it in her eyes t...
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Be a good Samaritan and save cash by simply kicking the blind homeless guys money box, making him think you've made a donation.
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TIP: Stop bread from drying out by keeping it in a bucket of water.
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Just think - the old homeless guy who sits outside my local station doesn't know what it's like to have a full tummy on Christmas Day. But he will do this Friday, thanks to me - I'm gonna go down there and tell him.
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I went for a job interview. "Where would you like to see yourself in five years time?" he asked me. I thought and said, "Suspended on full pay."
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My girlfriend just asked me how we were supposed to stop her dog from drinking the toilet water when I keep leaving the seat up. I told her to put it down.
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LEA & PERRINS- Save on printing costs of bottle labels by moving your Worcestershire sauce factory to Kent.
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BBC News : Texas death row killer forgiven by victim. Yeah? Who told him? Whoopie Goldberg??